Intruder
by bananaspit
Summary: There's a saying that says life isn't fair. Sakura Kinomoto's diary is the perfect proof of that. OOC
1. Entry One

Intruder

**I've decided to start on a new fanfic, not that I'm giving up on Locked Wings. Enjoy reading and tell me what you think of it! :D**

Disclaimer: I don't own CardCaptor Sakura (CCS).

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Entry One:

Have you, at one point in your life, stopped and considered keeping a journal or a diary? The kind where you just pour your heart out after some stupid incident happens in that pathetic life of yours? Yeah, well. I have.

Ok. I know how keeping a diary is risky. I mean, anyone who finds your diary could just easily open it, scan a couple of lines, and bam. A part of your life's history has been entered into someone else's database. But right now, I'm just so pissed at my life right now, just so pissed, that I don't give a crap. So to hell with the person who'll ever read my diary. Good luck. Because in the end, you'll just finish dazed and feel like a total intruder, which you really are.

I have a father. His name is Fujitaka Kinomoto. I have a brother. Touya Kinomoto. Mother? She died. I grew up in a society where having a perfect family raises your social status. Having money is a major boost as well, but nothing compared to a perfect family. So there. Past life history. Checked.

Ok I admit. So it's not completely "checked" but you can probably infer what happened right? Shunned by people around me, ignored at home. The works. I'm used to it by now. It's just something that's a routine to me now. No one bothers talking to Sakura Kinomoto. Sakura Kinomoto might as well be dead. But what's the difference between what I'm going through and actual death? In the eyes of others, I already am dead.

Back to the intrusion of privacy. What if father read this diary? What if _anyone_ comes across this little book? God, I can't even begin to think how they'll react. Everything I'm going to put in here… everything… it's not meant for the public. If word gets out, man. Are some people going to be in trouble.

Everything leads to something. For me, that something was bad. For others, the lucky ones, that something could be love. Fame. Fortune. Basically, paradise. It's mandatory for me to write down everything. If I don't, I fear I might go insane with everything clogged up in my mind. I'm at the young age of 21 right now. Anything could happen. I have access to a million things that I could use to kill myself right now. I laugh now and then think maybe when I die, this diary could be published as some novel. A really realistic novel.

You know… now that I think about it, it's like I'm expecting someone to come across this. I mean, here I am, scribbling furiously, and I just happened to choose second person point of view. This could be like some… deep unconscious desire of mine but whatever. I'll think about that later. Right now, let's just focus on that "everything".

My life was great. That's right. _Was _great. There's nothing I would've wanted more. But how did I go from that sweet little girl who likes to dance around in the park barefooted in the rain to a person writing… this? Just stick with me. You'll see why eventually. And trust me, it won't be pretty.

The turning point in my life happened, ironically, at the park. It used to be a place of joy to me but not anymore. After the incident that happened when I was five, the word "park" meant more than just swings and seesaws.

"Mommy mommy!" Shrieking with delight, I pointed at the ice cream truck just across the street. "It's the ice cream man!"

My mother, Nadeshiko Kinomoto, stood behind me with my fingers curled around her soft hand lightly. I looked back up at her with a smile plastered all over my face. My eyes shone with excitement. Mother laughed and shook her head. Instantly, my mouth drooped into a frown.

"Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?" I begged, hoping to get through that stone heart of hers. It was just so hot that day that I was just dying to have something cold in my system.

"No dearie," said mother sternly, "ice cream is unhealthy."

"Aww," I groaned, "Just this once? It's summer and it's just so so hot."

I put up the face. The face. You know, _that_ face. The one with big round eyes, just staring up with a cute little pout on my face. I batted my eyelashes a couple of times for good measure and held my hands behind me. She crumpled within five seconds.

Hah. Works everytime.

"Ok fine," sighed my mother. She knelt down next to me and pointed with an outstretched arm over at the truck's ice cream pictures. "Do you see the one you want?"

"Yay!" I leapt with glee and gave her a big hug. "Thank you mommy!"

She grumbled, "You're lucky I'm such a big softie," and tousled my auburn curls.

"Umm.." I squinted into the far far distance just across the street. A crowd had formed around the truck, ages ranging from five to thirteen. "I want… strawberry crème!"

"Alright," said mother. She got back up and looked down at me, "Stay where you are Sakura and don't move until I get back."

I nodded vigorously and motioned for her to just get moving. I bounced from one foot to the other excitedly as I stretched my neck to see over the crowd and trace mother's figure. Eventually, I lost her when she turned to the back of the truck. I stood there tapping my foot impatiently and finally, after waiting forever, I saw her figure picking through the crowd.

Miraculously, she had broken through and had come walking towards me bearing two treasures with a smile on her face. I laughed at the two ice creams in her hands. Two. And who was the one saying ice cream was unhealthy?

Just when she was about the cross the last stretch of cement and return back to the sidewalk to me, a loud screeching from tires caught my attention. I swung my head to the source of the sound and gasped when I saw a car swerving this way and that coming into this direction.

I would never forget that moment. That image of my mother, smiling and holding our ice creams, and the car just a few feet away from her. The horrified look on my mother's face. The sound that a car and a body makes when they collide. The hysterical laugh of the drunk driver. The ice cream, the damn cursed ice cream, lying on the floor and melting. Everything that happened within that moment became imprinted into my mind forever. There was no escaping it.

My breath hitched in my throat as I stared wide eyed at my mother's still body. Her blood seeped into the street cracks. I stood there, frozen. Paralyzed. The screams that came from the audience around me became muted. All I could see was her and only her.

Suddenly, something snapped in me.

I inhaled deeply and let loose an ear splitting scream and I ran towards mother, "MOMMY!" I squatted down next to her, tears welling in my eyes. I didn't know what to do. Everywhere was blood but I didn't care. Slowly and shakingly, I put my hands on her shoulders and I started nudging her tentatively at first, then roughly.

"Mommy?" I whimpered as my tears left a trail of liquid down my cheeks, "Mommy? Wake up. Wake up, Mommy, wake up! WAKE UP!" I was bawling at this point. The people around me shielded their children from the horrifying sight of a woman's dead body. I brushed the tears off roughly with my hands, stained with blood and I resumed shaking her. I called out to her until my throat grew raw, but still she remained unmoving.

Suddenly, a pair of hands lifted me from my kneeling position. By that time, my knees were already bleeding and numb from the rough cement floor. The driver was nowhere to be seen. It was a hit and run.

My eyes widened in shock at the sudden contact. It turned out that someone had called the police. They rummaged through my mother's purse and found her ID. A policewoman, pulled me over and started questioning me.

"Is that your mother?"

"Did you see who did this?"

"Do you remember what the vehicle's license plate said?"

"Where's your father?"

So many questions but I remained in my state of shock. What had been a trip to the ice cream truck had been a trip to death.

What did I say to her before she left to go buy me ice cream? Oh god. How can I forget? I ran through my memories but everything seemed all blurry and illegible.

"Sakura!"

I stared blankly at the rushing figure of otou-san running up to me. He pushed me into his arms and started to soothe me with soft words of comfort. It did no good. The damage was done. I had witnessed the death of my mother at the age of five.

And I was the reason why she died.

A few days later, after they confirmed mother's death and cleaned her up, she was placed in a black coffin and her grave was dug. Those days passed by me in a flash. I hardly spoke and I rarely ate. My smile had vanished completely and the glimmer in my eyes became extinct. On the day that marked the beginning of the end, my arms were latched onto my father's waist as I grimly watched the black coffin being lowered down into the big hole reserved for Nadeshiko Kinomoto. My brother stood off to the side, wearing the same expression as me. Everywhere was a sea of black. I myself donned on a black dress. Silence rang across the crowd as everyone stared and soon lost sight of the coffin. The shoveling of dirt began and soon, the hole was gone and in it's place was a piece of solid ground. Well, seemingly solid.

After the accident, I remained quiet and stunned for a long time. My eyes were often seen looking off into the distance and my mind was always wandering off somewhere else. My voice became soft and I never asked for anything else, not after what happened. And, of course, I never asked for ice cream again.

I cried softly into my father's shirt. He patted my back gently but didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Anything he said would've been filtered by my mind and would've been wasted on me.

From then on, I grew to be completely independent and I became an adult at the age of five. Not physically, just mentally.

Didn't I warn you? My diary is anything but ordinary. You won't find the usual lovey-dovey things in this little book. Oh no. There's much more that goes on that that. Just stick with me.

I'll tell you all about it.

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How's that for a first chapter? It's my first attempt at angst so I'd really appreciate it if you would review. Thanks!


	2. Entry Two

Intruder

**I've decided to continue this fanfic. I think I can develop this into something more so… yeah… enjoy and don't forget to review! They mean a lot to me. :D**

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Entry 2:

Oh yay! You've decided to continue invading my personal diary! Splendid. It's quite addicting isn't it? Reading about another person's life and all. Don't worry. I don't blame you. It's a natural instinct for people to _like_ reading this kind of stuff.

Well at least now you know the beginning and how it ended my perfect childhood. From then on, everything changed. The once happy Kinomoto family was gone and in its place was a dark and gloomy family. And me. The sunshine of the family. Well, let's just say there's been an eclipse of some sort and now, all gone!

I'll go back to the background information I was giving. Anyways, where was I yesterday in entry one… oh.

That's right. I killed her.

Well I guess if you were to argue with me, we could say that I didn't kill her but c'mon. Who was the one who wanted ice cream and _strawberry crème _at that? Who was it who begged for her to walk across the street? If you remember correctly and guessed me, you're a genius. I wasn't the only one who formed this sound logic though; my father, brother, external family, friends… they all agreed with me.

Sure they didn't say it out loud in front of me or scream, "You're a murderer!" but it was just so obvious. Do you have any idea how hard it was to withstand those side glances? To hear those little whisperings that go on between kid to kid and adult to adult? To feel the hate emanating from your own brother? To witness the withering of your own father and know that you were the one caused it?

I doubt you've ever had to experience any of the above. If you think _your _life was bad, consider mine.

A few days after the funeral, I went back to school with the still stunned look on my face. Word had spread to my school that Sakura Kinomoto just lost her mother and she was to be dealt with very carefully. I had to give them an A for effort. Usually, when I don't do my homework, I'd get that awful sad face stamped onto my homework log. Now, I get neither the sad face nor the happy face. I get that word "excused" on my papers. Soon, the other children in my kindergarten class noticed my special treatment and they started sending me glares sharp as daggers. I had once been a girl surrounded by others and had once "belonged. Believe it or not, I was one of those girls who would talk about giving cooties and play House, the one where someone pretends to be your husband and someone your kid.

All that was gone and had become history after mother's death. In a matter of weeks, I had gone from being the one who gets to be the wife of the family in House to someone who's just a bystander. I didn't even try to make friends anymore that year. It wasn't just my friends who abandoned me, so did my family.

They saw me as the murderer I was and they blamed everything on me. Eating dinner with Touya and father was torturous. Every day, I would have to endure the contorted looks on their face whenever something reminded them of the beautiful Nadeshiko. Touya was 7, two years older than me, and openly discussed mother's death in a cynical tone in my face. Father will just look at me with sad eyes and shake his head and turn around. There was no one I could turn to.

I didn't know enough to start writing a diary back then. Heck, I barely knew my alphabets. So it was then that I became a disclosed loner. I'd watch the kids playing in the playground from a corner under the cherry blossom tree in the shade. I'd hide behind it, and listen to the pattering of footsteps rushing by and the gigglings of children playing tag.

"Tag! You're It!"

My head swung up at an uncomfortably close voice. Someone was just on the other side of the tree. I gasped and looked around, panic clear in my eyes. I didn't want anyone to find me. I didn't want to be discovered. Unknowingly, tears began forming once again in my eyes. I didn't notice them until a drop fell onto my skirt. My eyes widened and my hand slowly reached up. With the back of my hand, I hesitantly touched my face.

It was wet.

Shocked, I brought my hand down and gently rubbed my fingers together. I dropped down into a crouch and stayed there in the shadows, protected by my only friend, the cherry blossom tree.

See how pathetic my life became? My only friend: _a tree_.

Go ahead. Laugh. It's not as if I've never experienced being the laughingstock of the entire school, but that's later and years after my kindergarten year. It wasn't until my… 2nd grade year I think… that someone finally noticed me. The only reason _why_ he did was because he was new to our school. Of course he'd take note of everything around him and who better than the girl who sat right in front of him? Besides, I always had to turn around to pass him his paper so it provided many opportunities for him to get to know me… well… try to get to know me I guess. I didn't give him many chances with my mouth clamped shut 24/7.

However, the more I kept quiet, the more he persisted in trying to open me up to him. He wasn't bad really. He came from China and his name was Syaoran Li. I didn't think anyone would ever try to talk to me again as a friend but he proved me wrong. Don't be mistaken. I was grateful to him. He became the only reason why I even looked forward to going to school. Although I kept quiet for the most part and ignored his friendly gestures and greetings, I was actually enjoying the attention he was giving me.

Psst! I'll tell you a secret. Guess what? I liked him.

Teehee.

Everything nice has to end sometime though and eventually, he heard about it, mother's death and how I played into part. The change was instant. He began looking at me first with analytic eyes, like he was _searching_ for the killer within me. Then, it grew to disgust. His friendly attempts of opening me up stopped and I was crushed.

My one chance at reentering society… gone. To be honest, I sort of expected it. Someone who is as unlucky as me having her crush as a friend? Impossible. Someone who is as unlucky as me having her crush actually like her back? What the hell.

Soon, I noticed his attention focused on another girl. This was in third grade by the way. Gotta keep up with the pace you intruder. She was pretty and she had a nice voice. Her name was Tomoyo Daidouji. She was new in my third grade year and immediately after adjusting to the school, the boys started flocking towards her. All she did was flash them her smile and within seconds, they became her prey. Our class had to do a musical that year for Christmas. Guess who got the solo part? Tomoyo.

I wasn't kidding when I complimented her voice. When she sang, she gained the attention of everyone in the crowd and immediately got their approval. She stood out in the center and stepped up to the mike. Her doll-like olive-skinned face was watched the whole time as she enchanted everyone with her voice. Even I was drawn in and I couldn't even see her face, just her voice was enough.

Oh where was _I_? Why, how kind of you to ask! I was waaay in the back, hidden just in case I bring shame to my teacher. Wonderful isn't it? The way people's selfishness always dominate their minds.

I want to clear things up for you naïve adults out there. Romance _is_ possible in 3rd grade. Believe me, it is. 3rd grade is the age when kids start growing out of cooties, playing house, being a teacher's pet. 3rd grade is the age when they start cussing, talking about "privates", guys/girls, laughing at the teacher, discussing crushes… amazing what can go on in the minds of eight year olds.

But, I admit, it wasn't a time when they had the guts to actually ask each other out and so I had to endure a couple more years of guys dancing around Tomoyo. The strange thing is though… Tomoyo actually wanted to befriend me, just like Syaoran had. It happened in 5th grade when I saved Tomoyo from falling flat on her face.

The shriek of a whistle pierced the air.

"Alright!" roared the coach, "I want you all divide yourself into three lines behind the hurdles." Slowly, the kids shuffled into their lines according to who was in which line. I stuck myself in a random line. It so happened that Tomoyo was in back of me. My back was turned to her but I was listening. She and a group of girls were discussing who's cute and who's not and like always, Tomoyo had all of their attention. One by one, people leapt over the hurdle, some graceful and some… not so graceful.

"Daidouji! You're up!"

Tomoyo faced the hurdle and sucked in a big breath. Her little groupie was cheering for her, "Go Tomoyo!"

"You can do it!"

"We loooove you!"

Giggles all around.

Tomoyo flashed her smile and started rushing up towards the hurdle but she made the biggest mistake anyone could make when jumping a hurdle.

She hesistated.

The moment her feet were on the ground, I knew she didn't have the guts to jump the hurdle and the results didn't come out pretty. She leapt over the hurdle but her sneakers caught the hurdle by about two inches. Her eyes widened as she knocked over the hurdle and came crashing down. I didn't even think. I was under her in a second and I caught her at the elbow. People around me clapped at my heroic act while I just stood there stunned by what I had just done. Immediately, my arms retracted and Tomoyo steadied herself. If she had landed on her face, bloodshed would've been inevitable. The ground was rough and full of sharp pebbles that would prove fatal to her pretty face.

While I was backing away, she looked at me and whispered, "Thank you Sakura-chan."

Just when I was about to run off, I did a double-take at what she had said. The word "Sakura-chan" played in my head a couple of times. Mother's lectures on manners rushed back to me. It's been years since anyone had called me that and, once again, I lost control of my actions and I muttered, "You're welcome Tomoyo-san." With that, I ran off. I was weak mentally, but I was strong physically. I was the most athletic girl in my grade and when I wanted to run, no one can catch me.

I did want to run. I didn't want myself to start warming up to anyone. And so, I ran. I ran straight to the restrooms and into a stall. I huddled up on the toilet seat and just sat there, the rest of the day, contemplating over my previous deed.

That day became another one of my life's turning points.

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Thanks for reading and please review! (:


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